Things to Say (and Not to Say) to Someone Living with Infertility

Since I was little all I wanted to do was be a housewife and have four kids. My older sister would always get mad at me because I would say that. Knowing that we can’t have kids naturally is heart-breaking. But I have faith that we will succeed! Someone close to me told me one of the following and I felt so disheartened. So I decided to make a list of what I like and don't like to hear. 

Don't say these things!

1. “Trust me, It isn’t everything you think it is.”: I don’t expect motherhood to be all hugs and kisses but I want it so bad that the sleepless nights and poopy diapers don’t matter. So what you are telling me is that you regret having your baby? What about all those cuddles, hugs, play dates, smiles, first words, pictures, and everything else?
2. “Everything happens for a reason.”: What reason would that be? Please tell me.
3. “It will happen once you stop trying. Just relax.”: How long should I relax?  One year?  Two?  Ten?  Till I'm dead?
4. “Maybe you’re just not supposed to have kids.”: Oh so I don’t deserve to have kids because they will go grow up in a loving home and will never need anything. One of the cruelest things anyone could say, ‘Maybe God doesn't intend for you to be a mother.’” Infertility is a medical condition, not a punishment from God or Mother Nature.
5. "Don’t worry, you’re young!": It doesn’t matter how old or young people might be- if I want a baby, I want a baby. 
6. “Maybe it’s a sign”: A sign of what?
7. “You can always adopt.”: If I have a way to have a biological kid I would like to try everything I could to do so. If I had diabetes or cancer should I not try everything  to beat it? 
8. “Everything will be okay.”: I know that everything will be okay- I don't need to be reminded. I just want to know that you care.
9. “Are you mad that [so and so] is pregnant?”: I’m not angry that so and so is pregnant, it just hurts that everyone around me is getting pregnant and I can’t. 

YOU SHOULD ALWAYS:

1. Support all decisions: Going though infertility treatments is rough- it is hard emotionally, physically and mentally. 

2. Really Listen and try to understand: I know it might be hard to understand how I feel, especially if you haven't been though it. Sometimes I just want a listener. 

3. Pray for them:  Prayers are always welcome!

4. Be a friend, no matter what: A friend is someone who is always there to listen, and be there when you down to bring you up.