Turning over a new leaf

Our first paperwork

I wasn't sure if I wanted to blog about it but here it goes. After our second IVF failed we decided to look into foster care. We know it's not going to be easy but it's going to be a blessing; a calling that god has given us.  Later I'll go into more detail of what the process is and what things are required.  

On another note: We are not giving up on trying to have a child but we have to save up enough money to pay for the medication, ER & ET to start the process all over again. (We don't have any more embryos left.)  Right now we have to finish paying off what we owe for the two IVF attempts. Our doctor wants to keep doing IVF but it's so much money. On our last appointment I asked if we could do an IUI with a sperm donor he told us that it would be just as expensive as IVF and its not guaranteed to work. (My mental thought: Ummmm I have paid for 2 IVF treatments and they didn't work either so I would like to try an IUI thank you very much!) Sometimes on some of our appointments I feel like they only want our money and they really don't care.

Keep Trying...

We got the call on Tuesday around 7pm. It was a negative. I kinda had the feeling because last time I started to get nauseous early on and this time I didn't. Doctor said that he didn't know why it didn't work because the embryos were grade A but I have my next appointment on Tuesday. 

We are going to take a break until we saved up enough money to go round three with the two embryos that we have left. 

Transfer Day

Last time we didn't get one of these pictures because the t.v was broken but not this time!

We got our picture! 

Just waiting for the 14th I have the pregnancy test appointment but I think I'm going to take one before.  

Take 2

We are going at it again.  I'm taking Estrace until the 28th of this month. Then the doctor will tell us what day we can transfer.

Mommy of an Angel

We lost our little angel. We saw the heartbeat at week 7,  then we went to the next appointment. The baby had stopped growing and the heartbeat was gone. It was the worst thing I have ever experienced. The doctor told us it was a miscarriage and that we can have a cleaning procedure the following week. Now its just a waiting game to see when we can try again.

I may have only held you in my womb for a moment but I will hold you in my heart forever. 

Our Angel Baby 

7 Weeks

We got to the heartbeat! Next week we are announcing it to my parents.

I'm creating their gifts. 

First Ultrasound

Just wanted to update my page!  I've been in cloud nine lately with this little one. 

So Monday the 1st we measured 5 1/2 weeks.  Due date January 26, 2016!

Today I'm 6 weeks and 3 days so far! Baby H is a size of a chocolate chip!

Next appointment is Tuesday the 9th we are supposed to hear the heartbeat! Can't wait to hear my baby's  heartbeat! 

I have been feeling: moody, nauseous, hungry, bathroom trips, and hot flashes. 

I have a secret!

FET 3-day Embryo Pregnancy Due Date and Fetal Development Calculator

I'm so blessed we got the call from he doctor on Friday at 3:02 and I went home to take a test. I was in shock I couldn't believe it. It's finally happening! We are pregnant. We have our first ultrasound on June 1st. Cant wait to find out to see them!

Silly Little Coincidence

Some silly little coincidence that gives hope! 

My sister came to help me on my transfer day. On the way there she noticed that her shirt was inside out. The superstition is clothes that are worn inside out will bring good luck.

My husband and I went to a book signing and he was given a number (#27) the author chose his number and husband won a book.

The day before transfer, I went shopping at Hobby Lobby and the amount on the receipt was $7.77.

At work they always have contest and I've worked there for over a year and I have never won anything but the week before my ER I won a movie.

I know these sound dumb but I take them as signs.

My sister got 2 egg yolks in 1 egg! 

 7 more days until we find out. We could find out sooner (19th) but I think we are going to wait until my appointment on the 22nd. Staying Positive. Today my legs feel so sore; they hurt.

Here we go!

The wait was awful! We never got a call about how many were fertilized.

I was scared about our small numbers that we retrieved. Total of 8 but I was grateful that we had at least some! Our appointment was at 10:45 and I had a full bladder so I was in pain. They finally took us in at 11:35 to another room where the doctor was going to talk to us. I was freaking out. I was mad because they never gave us a call back so I was really scared that none of them made it. The doctor came in to tell us that 6 had made it. 5 strong ones and 1 smaller one. 

The doctor advised that we should do 2 and thats what we wanted all along. 

After so much waiting we finally have two embryos inside me!

Just praying that they both stick!

I hate flowers.  They are a waste of money because I can never keep them alive enough. But my husband wanted to make it special so he bought me a plant! (what I prefer they live longer) 

My next appointment is on Tuesday the 12 for blood work and then Friday the 22nd is our doctors appointment to see if they sticked! Prayers are welcome! 

Eggs-cavation!

The day finally came! We had our appointment at 9:30am. I had to finalize some paperwork before starting and then I got undressed from the waist down (freaking out right about now). Then the nurse gives me medication and it made me sleepy. The process hurt; I felt every poke and I started to cry. Later my husband came in and stayed there with me. I came back home and fell asleep. Pain. They retrieved 8 eggs. I'm happy that I had more than one but some women have like 28 so I'm feeling nervous.

The Last Shots!

Last Shots!

Lupron 
#1 4/30-No pain, can't feel it anymore.
#2 5/1-No pain, can't feel it anymore.
#3 5/2-No pain, can't feel it anymore.
#4 5/3-No pain, can't feel it anymore.
Menopur
#1 4/30- Pain going in.
#2 5/1 - Pain going in.
#3 5/2 last shot and it hurt the whole time.

Ovidrel- @11pm
No pain I was half asleep when my husband gave me the shot. 

I feel super nervous and excited that this day is finally here.

The Home Stretch

Today was our last appointment before going in for ER on Tuesday. 

My doctor told me to change my last 3 days of medication. The follicles look good; some big and small. 

Friday the 1st- Lupron 10

Menopur 2 vials

Saturday the 2nd- Lupron 10

Menopur 2 vials

Sunday the 3rd- Lupron 10

Ovidrel @11pm

 Monday the 4th- No shots

Tuesday the 5th- 9:30 ER & fresh sperm sample

Friday the 8th- 11:30 ET 

Saturday the 9th- Rest after transfer

I've heard that it helps the embryos stick so here it goes!

OMGOSH

Today I went in feeling stressed because I was in a time crunch. Had an ultrasound and blood taken. The follicles looked great I forgot to take a picture because I was in a hurry. My blood results were good; just where they wanted them. Next appointment is Friday May 1st at 9am. 

Sooooooo now for the best part!

I have ER May 5th and then ET May 8th and I have to stay home Saturday the 9th.

I'm still taking Lupron and Menopur for 5 more days.

I feel super nervous and excited at the same time. It's so close but so far at the same time. Feeling a bit stressed.  I'm working 7 days straight because I had to switch my days off for the ER & ET days, and then for Saturday I used my PTO hours. 

Things to Say (and Not to Say) to Someone Living with Infertility

Since I was little all I wanted to do was be a housewife and have four kids. My older sister would always get mad at me because I would say that. Knowing that we can’t have kids naturally is heart-breaking. But I have faith that we will succeed! Someone close to me told me one of the following and I felt so disheartened. So I decided to make a list of what I like and don't like to hear. 

Don't say these things!

1. “Trust me, It isn’t everything you think it is.”: I don’t expect motherhood to be all hugs and kisses but I want it so bad that the sleepless nights and poopy diapers don’t matter. So what you are telling me is that you regret having your baby? What about all those cuddles, hugs, play dates, smiles, first words, pictures, and everything else?
2. “Everything happens for a reason.”: What reason would that be? Please tell me.
3. “It will happen once you stop trying. Just relax.”: How long should I relax?  One year?  Two?  Ten?  Till I'm dead?
4. “Maybe you’re just not supposed to have kids.”: Oh so I don’t deserve to have kids because they will go grow up in a loving home and will never need anything. One of the cruelest things anyone could say, ‘Maybe God doesn't intend for you to be a mother.’” Infertility is a medical condition, not a punishment from God or Mother Nature.
5. "Don’t worry, you’re young!": It doesn’t matter how old or young people might be- if I want a baby, I want a baby. 
6. “Maybe it’s a sign”: A sign of what?
7. “You can always adopt.”: If I have a way to have a biological kid I would like to try everything I could to do so. If I had diabetes or cancer should I not try everything  to beat it? 
8. “Everything will be okay.”: I know that everything will be okay- I don't need to be reminded. I just want to know that you care.
9. “Are you mad that [so and so] is pregnant?”: I’m not angry that so and so is pregnant, it just hurts that everyone around me is getting pregnant and I can’t. 

YOU SHOULD ALWAYS:

1. Support all decisions: Going though infertility treatments is rough- it is hard emotionally, physically and mentally. 

2. Really Listen and try to understand: I know it might be hard to understand how I feel, especially if you haven't been though it. Sometimes I just want a listener. 

3. Pray for them:  Prayers are always welcome!

4. Be a friend, no matter what: A friend is someone who is always there to listen, and be there when you down to bring you up. 

Next Step

The doctor said that my ovaries look good!That my period should be ending pretty soon. I'm still taking Lurpon until my next appointment which will be the 29th of this month. I will be taking Lupron and 5am (stomach) and then Menopur at 9pm (my bum).

Signing papers & got my schedule 

Starting Menopur tomorrow every night at 9pm. 

Dosage: 4 powders and 1 water

My husband got taught how to mix the medication and how to apply it. 

so proud of him!

Lupron Shots

I wake up my husband to give me the Lupron shot at five in the morning before going to work. I feel bad every time I wake him up but he wants to do it and I'm to scared to do it myself. On the fourth when it hurt I think he felt asleep while giving it to me so I told him I would start doing it but he said no he wanted to keep doing it. Now he gets out of bed to give the shot.

1. Monday 13th-  It hurt so painful it think we did something wrong.
2. Tuesday 14th-It was a little burn and being at work I felt very sleepy and had nightmares. 
3. Wednesday 15th- It was itching like crazy and nightmares again.
4. Thursday 16th- Painful my hubs went fast & it itched like crazy & feeling super tired
5. Friday 17th-It was painful going in and the worst itching from all the shots. Last day on birth control.  
6. Saturday 18th- Little itchy, no pain
7. Sunday 19th- Just perfect (my skin is really dry and it itches like crazy)
8. Monday 20th- Itching like crazy and nightmares, hot flashes (started my period & bad cramps) 
9. Tuesday 21st- Very itchy, no pain (I put ice before my shot) Dropped down the dosage from 20 to 10 because I started my period.
10. Wednesday 22nd- Little itchy & hot flashes
11. Thursday 23rd- Just itchy

Today I have an appointment at 8:45! Hope everything is on track and  we stick to the schedule.

31 days

I created a calendar to countdown the the days until I find out if I'm pregnant. It might change depending on how my medication is going  and if the schedule goes as planned. It feels weird to know the day when I find out if I'm pregnant but super excited to know. 

Today is #31 in the calendar!!!

I created the design in my Cameo Silhouette if you would like a pdf let me know.

T.O.M. (time of the month) is here.

Not feeling well today. 

I have a headache, feeling dizzy and I have the worst cramps ever.So I decided to blog and read What to expect when you're expecting. I was worried I wasn't going to get my period before my next appointment but I was wrong. The nurse told me that I would and when I did I would have to change the dosage from 20 to 10. 

Home remedies:

Heated blanket

Tea 

Update: I have three days left on Lupron and have our appointment on Thursday! 

1st Shot of Lupron

Just did my first Lupron shot! It hurt so bad that I cried. I don't understand why it hurt, some ladies that I talk to say it didn't or it just itched. It hurt for about 4 minutes and then it started to itch. My husband thought I was kidding at first because I love shots but it was so painful. It was not the shot that hurt but the medication going inside that was hurting. It has to be refrigerated so maybe its because its cold and that's what I felt but I don't know the real reason but I have 10 more days to go. 

Wish me luck!!! I want this so bad so I will take any pain to have a baby. 

                                                                                                                                                       

I got some excited news today after she explained the schedule to us. If everything goes well and on schedule we will know if we are pregnant by MAY 21! 

We can't wait!!!

                                                                                                                                                           

Side Effects- 

• Headache, mood changes, mild depression, or unusual tiredness
• Hot flashes or sweating
• Pain, itching, burning, rash, or swelling where the shot was given
• Trouble sleeping
• And More

Mexico Trip

Today my friend and I took a day trip to Mexico to get the last medication that I needed. 

Then I had an appointment at 3:15 with my doctor and I had to take all the medication to get the instructions to get started on the process.  

We stop by to get some goodies before leaving!

Waiting...

April 13th can't come soon enough. 

I want things to start moving along.  
It just feels like a waiting game.

I know that I need to be patience. 

Inspiration

On our way...

Getting started with the process. 

I started birth control on 3.24.15.

 I am only taking it for three weeks and only the active pills.

I have a doctor's appointment on April 13th.
That same day I'm taking a morning trip to Mexico before my appointment to get the last medication that I need: the Menpour vials (its less expensive in Mexico).
That completes all the medication I will need.  

Feelings- Super excited and a bit scared. 

D.I.Y Calendar

This is our money calendar.

 I wanted a visual tracker to help us visualize our goal.  

But I didn't want any kind of calendar so I made it myself. 

Let me explain it.  

The quote that I used was- "It's going to be hard but hard is not impossible." 

1 & 2- is how I separate our paychecks. My husband and I get paid every two weeks so 1 is the first paycheck of the month and the 2 is the second paycheck of the month. 

The months helps me track how much we saved on each check and for the month. 

Baby H Flag- is a bookmark from each paycheck  I write on one side how much I saved for that check and then once that month passes I put the total below. (The H is just our future baby name.)

If you want a printable copy let me know and I will post it. 

Harder Than It Should Be

Having a baby should be easy and free! Raising them and feeding them should be the hard part but that's not our case. We are going though the process of IVF- in-vitro fertilization. Realizing that IVF would be our only option to have a biological kid has been a rollercoaster ride.  How it all started: We started to try after 1 year of being married. I stop taking the pill in hopes that I would get pregnant fast but month after month I kept getting my period. In October of 2014 I was late for my period and took a pregnancy test. It was positive! The happiest and scariest moment of our lives. It was a false positive. After trying for 1 year we knew their must be something wrong because we can't get pregnant so we went to a fertility doctor. They did an ultrasound and they were confused because everything look good and I was about to ovulate so they told us to have a lot of sex and lay in bed 20 min afterwards. After a month we still didn't get pregnant so they tested my husband. My husband had 1 sperm cell alive from the sample. My husband has a low sperm count and no motility. They gave my husband HCG to inject but it didn't do anything. They told us the only option would be IVF. So here we are.

Take a peek into our lives as we begin our journey. We are determined to make it to a happy ending. We will share everything with you. From our emotions, to our treatment cost. Please feel free to ask us questions. Prayers are also always welcome. So I want to welcome you to our blog and hopefully after this journey ends we will both be changing dirty diapers and taking turns in getting up in the middle of the night.